A Bank by any Other Name

This morning there was a homeless sleeping in our men's bathroom. No one is quite sure how he got there or how long he had been sleeping.
Of course...it was my job to evacuate the indigent man.
Mind you...our fourth floor office is shared with the loan office of Chase Bank, formerly Bank One. Why is it they couldn't call bank security, of which I assume there are plenty, to escort the gentleman away?
No one felt obliged to give me an answer.
As I entered the restroom the first thing, sadly, I noticed was the absolutely repugnant smell.

My eyes actually watered and I had to catch my breath to keep from gagging. Thankfully, that passed in a moment as I have an extremely high tolerance for all things gross. There, in the corner I saw him, sleeping. He looked a lot like Luigi from the Super Mario Brothers video game.
As he was sleeping soundly I began to make stomping sounds in hopes to startle him. Then I went to the urinal, pretended to pee and then flushed it three times. No good.

"Sir.."
"Sir…"
Poke, poke.
Please don't let him be dead, I haven't had my coffee yet.
"Sir…excuse me you have to…"
He jerked awake and let loose a terrifying and atrocious burp.
"Sir…oh god…jesus…Sir you can't be in here."
"Yes I can."
"You can? No…no you can't."
"I have an appointment."
"An appointment for the bathroom?"
"No," BURP! "For the office."
"An appointment for the office?"
"For that room over there?"
"The bank sir?"
"Yea, I have an appointment at Bank One. I'm with Bank One."
"…"
"Burp."
"…"
"Burp"
"Okay, you gotta go. Come on. Get up."
"No. I have a goddamn appointment, they are gonna give me a million dollars. Bank One is gonna give me a million dollars."
Burp
Burp
Burp
"Sir…it's called Chase Bank now. It isn't Bank One, it is Chase Bank and please get the fuck out of my bathroom. Now!"
BURP
BURP
"Can I piss first?"
"Uh…"
"I really gotta piss."
"Yes…yes…yes…go…go…piss. Go piss."
He emptied his bladder and spit up a little in the toilet and started to follow me out.
"Sir…wash your hands."

He obliged. And I led him out of the building.
Outside he looked around, left then right, and I was praying he would just start walking away.

"I don't have anywhere to go."

As helpless as I felt, I didn't know what to say. So I took out a five dollar bill and gave it to him.
Upstairs, back in the office, I expensed that five dollars as a "service charge". At least the company was finally giving back to the community.

What a great morning.